FIREblog

Monday, July 27, 2009

So ends another saga...

And life goes on...

Hello, i'm very unexpectedly back here on this derelic space, for more or less the very same reason tt i always come back. Pple who noe me well enuff shld not even need to guess.

How many times has it been since tt very first run in? I dun even tink i can rmb sia... Each and everytime dmg is dealt, and after tt u get nth back. Its like u see a hero with half-life left, den u wanna ambush him, but at the end either he receives help from teammates or by sheer luck u lose the clash and die. Its tt kinda feeling. U give smth, sacrifice smth, but at the end of the day u receive nth back, and u r back to square one. It sux. It really does. I oso cant rmb how many times i've said this.

Who can i blame? At most blame myself, blame it on destiny, but wad use will it do? Tt's y i dun usually blame others for smth.. Nth comes out of it. I noe tt smth went wrong, but i cant specifically pinpt wad, and therefore not able to do anything abt it. Not tt i can do anything even if i did. In the end i can only leave it at tt, and hope tt time heals everything else, which it usually does. I thot i was nv gonna get over the previous one, but i still did. But tt was bcoz we din really get to see each other tt often any more... This one's here to stay for the nxt one year man.

But dun worry, i'm fine. I really am. I'm not sure if its bcoz the intense pain the previous one made me go thru, but i guess it doesnt matter. I'm kinda glad i din really let it progress too far.. As well as having my work here in hall provide a source of distraction from it, or else i'll really see myself as a pitiful nut, like i was one year plus ago.

Oh wells, like i said earlier, life's gotta go on. Juz be glad things din really get too ugly, and tt we're still on such good terms. This will be kept as it is, if possible i wun need to let the other party noe such feeling existed. The both of us wld nv haf really gone v far to begin with. I cld even laugh at myself, seeing how naive i was. Looking on the bright side, this wld save me the trouble of planning a 21st bday surprise lol. Omg i'm such a lazy pig...

And so i'm back to being bobo, which actually makes this worse. Solitude can really haunt a person down, make life so boring and miserable to live. But at this point in time, i can only hope tt i will get to see a new source of light, one which i can really put my heart and soul into and see wad i can be good for, one which really gives me a reason to live. Right now i still got work to finish, i'll slowly tink abt this when all this shit is done.

I guess tt's enuff ranting for now, if u still dunno wad's going on in my life go n bang urself in the wall or smth... no la juz kidding. So glad i still haf this space to write in haha. Alrites i'm tired.. Until nxt time, when i need to use this space for probably the same reason lols.

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@2:05 AM
Saturday, February 28, 2009

After all tt's said n done

Y do i still feel so... alone...

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@2:23 AM
Friday, May 23, 2008

Seems like nth's changed...

Sometimes..

all u want is juz someone who can be arnd

to have a drink with u and listen to your problems

hopefully oso give some useful advice

but more importantly

understand how u'r feeling, wad u'r going thru

and make u feel comfortable talking abt them.



Haiz


Who can blame, but myself

for being such a jerk, to have so few frens

true frens

but its not as if i asked for it wad..

Rite?...

Dunno...

God its been so long since i've had a good drink

and i dun mean milo bing or sugarcane juice those type of drink

as in

yea u shld noe wad i mean


Juz cant help but feel

disappointed

that i've realli accomplished nth

these past few years

everyone else progressed with their lives

while i'm still unable to leave this

pit of doom

i've tried changing, changing myself, break out of the past, start over afresh

but somehow

nth's working

and it juz kills me deep inside

over and over again

damn it

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@8:35 PM
Friday, May 09, 2008

Dying from...

This is bad.

Usually people come to us to look for a job because they got too much time at home, they feel bored and so they need a job to kill boredom.

I come to work

And i still feel bored.

What to do sia...

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@2:22 PM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Yea it does feel like 2 years ago, ain't it, leaving this space untouched and losing my already sparce viewership. Haha dun worry i got no (valid) reason to go on a long hiatus anymore, n i wun be abandoning this blog anytime soon, yea u haf my word for it. This space has been proven useful, for me at least, and i wun go ditching it for stupid reasons like poor readership. I know nobody visits this space anymore, save for a thankful handful, but at this point in time i honestly dun quite care anymore.

Pple blog for different reasons, some blog to gain as much readership as possible to gain an alternative route to fame; some treat it as a diary, to pen down interesting stuff tt happen in their lives so they can laugh about it in the future; some use it as an alternative means to sending an unspoken message to certain someone (or two), usually hidden somewhere inside. For me, i treat it as an avenue to release excessive thoughts that accumulate in my mind, that unnecessarily affect my mood and cause me to go slightly mental at times. This blog has helped me regain my sanity on numerous occasions, in both good and bad sense, even though i usually always appear so normal and happy. I have my own troubles too, i'm also human, its juz that bcoz of wad i went thru in the past, some things i am not able to juz confide in others about, some things i cannot speak to others of, no matter who. N these things bottled up inside will eventually be too much for me to handle, thus i really need a place to get them all out. Without sound. This space has been useful in tt aspect.

Therefore readership doesnt mean much to me, in fact it be best if no one reads, den i can freely get those troubles out without anyone knowing too much. If tt's the case, den y dun i juz write them down on a notepad or smth and lock it away, confirm no one will find out wad rite? No, coz someone will find it somehow, esp parents, it be even more trouble if they found out n read, its not safe. N anyway i dun really like writing, i prefer typing. Damn i cant debate for nuts, my reasoning is so weak, i feel so dumb lol. Anyway i'm prepared for such situation since i decided to not touch this space for my entire time in NS, i'm talking abt the low viewership.

Arr it doesn't matter. What a whole load of rubbish i juz wrote.

Anyway here's a brief rundown of my life since i left this space. Taiwan and HKG trip rocked!! So fun going overseas with frens, see if i got the energy and money to squeeze one more in during june/july b4 school starts. I finally passed my driving, thnx goodness i dun hafta waste another $150+, but up till now the card hasn't arrived yet, its getting quite frustrating, seriously. CNY sucked this year, for me at least. I'm not referring to things like hongbao cash amts, but the general spirit of CNY has been, diminishing. Its disappointing noe, I dun feel the usual excitement tt i used to get everytime CNY comes, the only consolation is a long weekend, away from work lol. N the screwup at my uncle's hse juz rubs it in lor. Aiya wad to do, juz hope tt things dun get worse every year. N yar i juz concluded i cant gamble on CNYs, i'll juz lose big time, it happened every year.

I'm tinking of quitting my job. Yisheng's relief teaching stint sounds v fun.

well tt's all for now, i noe its been a rather shitty entry, but well, i'm feelin rather shitty now, so i guess it suits. Cya nxt time.

It has seriously been a serious waste of serious time. i cant believe i let this happen. damn

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@10:45 PM
Thursday, January 10, 2008

It's Finally Here

The next 6 days

Will be the fastest 6 days yet

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@10:25 PM
Saturday, January 05, 2008

Happy New Year

First up, i'd like to apologize for my previous entry, and also for leaving it as tt for such a long time. I was juz in a really bad mood tt day, seriously needed a place to vent out my frustrations, so pls forgive me for the use of abusive language. And i guess its not really nice to see tt entry as the first entry, come here first thing u see is vulgarities. Lol i really am sorry for tt.

Anyway the new year has finally arrived, and at last after 2 gruelling years in the army, i finally get to enjoy the new year without any worries abt having to cover COS or Guard 2 during public holidays lol. Esp if i were to cover duty on 31st dec, lol it be the worst thing tt can happen man, imagine having to countdown to the new year with ur DO, DOS and BOS!! Well at least tt's over, can finally revert back to the old way of it now.

Usually when new year comes, a lot of pple will haf smth called "new year resolutions". They r basically a bunch of goals set by individuals to give themselves smth to achieve and strive for in the following year. I used to set some myself, but after all these years of doing so i finally realised smth

IT'S BULLSHIT!!

Now all u fans of this "resolution" thingy dun come flaming me juz yet, hear wad i hafta say 1st k? Now juz ask urselves, honestly, how many of u, thruout the past year, have managed to achieve wadever resolution u set for urself at the end of the previous year? How many of those resolutions haf u managed to achieve? Do u even remember wad resolution u made last year? Other than the ones abt sch work, the ans to the rest of the qns u guys shld noe urselves. If u haf managed to say yes or ans any of the above qns with a

DON!!

den congrats, i got nth to say. But i daresay most of u will be searching deep within urselves and wondering y u r doing dis for. Izzit for self-satisfaction, an emotion arising from false expectations? Or r u really juz doing it coz everyone else, even Barney the great friendly soft toy, is doing so? I guess we'll onli noe it ourselves, but wadever reason it may be, i came to realise tt this resolution thingy is really a waste of my time, no matter how little it may be. So i've decided to forget abt this thing and juz let life take its course, retreat to progress, and see how things go. I noe its gd to set goals to achieve, but when nth has been achieved for the past 20 years, u realli shld juz relax and sit out this one juz once, and see wad happens.

Lol i noe its juz a bunch of crap i written up there, if u understand gd for u, if not i dun blame u, juz tt today work was juz too stressful and i juz gotta find someway to destress. Lol dun come flaming me k.

Anyway, realli looking forward to the taiwan trip, my last trip overseas with frens was really really enjoyable, so i'll be expecting a lot from this one, since i spent so much money on it. Juz hope tt nth screws up this time. Its time i go, so until the next time, may u guyz haf a happy new year.

May U haf a happy new year =)

kyo burning with a fist of Neverdiminishing Flames...@1:03 AM